| (no subject) |
[Sep. 18th, 2006|12:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  envious | ] |
Long Time No Write
I know I haven't written in ages, but it is not like I have been busy or anything. It is more the fact that I don't have easy access to the internet, or rather not easy as it was before. I have to go through my mom's laptop in order to do anything concerning it. I have been dormant for a year or so getting into too much trouble for my own good. I can not say it was worth it since now I have to take a class to make sure a charge is not put on my record, whether I was directly or not responsible for it, but I am taking responsibility for my own negligence.
( My Years )
"A future without loving another, including family & friends, is not much of a future at all." |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 5th, 2005|04:01 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | My Pleasure.m3u | ] |
My Own Game & The Search
Lately in the past few months I've been getting stressed out every so often, if not extremely bored. I've been bored occasionally to the point where I am irritable, but that is due to the fact I don't seem to be dreaming when I sleep. Not only that, as dreaming is a minor thing compared to all the rest getting to that degree of boredom.
( It's a long boring road ahead )
"That might be a dusty road, but you must travel some where for an adventure, no?" |
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| I am not me, yet I am partial who I am |
[Dec. 12th, 2004|03:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Bored N Waiting | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | My Pleasure.m3u | ] |
I know I haven't posted in a while yet, however things seem to have dwindled into boredom lately. Now even as I do things i am bored inside. It is not that i am not enjoying myself with those tasks, but it is for the fact of what i've been doing. I feel run down like that shack in the back of someone's yard that needs repairing n a bit of cleaning.
I have not much in the way of entertainment that i would like to have. Sure i have this or that, but since i can't seem to get at least one thing for myself with each paycheck it has become a teadious task just to go to work. I seem to be drowning in my own life around me.
All this that is around me, excluding my friends is just getting to be a hassle or too much for me. I am overwhelmed with no insight or love to cherrish or hold. I guess it is not a bad thing, but it would help. I am not asking for anyone's help as it is for me to direct my own path.
My friends have always been good to me when they can. I enjoy that fact, but is it enough, I wonder. I would only hope that my passing would come so I can begin anew with a fresh start, but I still await that time just going about life as i am able. There is no love in a life of pain that lasts till the end.
Everybody comes n goes, and that is a truth I have always known. I am not effectively helpping anyone it seems, as the words from me seem to hurt or push them farther into a dark void. I am not me, but wish I could be to my fullest degree. The is no science out there that could change me to be myself completely, only faith or hope of my passing could do so. It is my passing that will change me into who i am truly, where i could be myself to the T.
Don't get me wrong though I am not thinking of cutting myself short of life, but I am waiting for that passing to come. I am a sorrowful person I know, but I can only believe what I know is true. Truth & Lies are always the same thing. There is nothing in this world in words that people have not created for some reason or another. The conquest of fear is what created lies deceit and the like, but also the defender have created the sign of love bliss and truth.
People may all be different, but I don't see anyone for me to hold and enjoy being around for long. I haven't really met this person yet, however those that I have been around like my megan I wouldn't even know whether or not I would be comfortable or relaxed around her. I don't even know if I could even live along side her, but I do know that I would enjoy being with. I really don't know what to say at times anymore.
Everything is so confusing, and is amazing that I even understand what is going on around me when I do. There is not much in a world full of corruption, except the ties that people make with others to bond & regroup. This earth is only a small quest to become what once was a great kingdom, but now is left in waste. Even nature to me hasn't any effect upon me. I see it's beauty, but don't feel the atmospheric beauty that most that like nature would feel. Maybe it is just the place...
Well that is it for now...
Goodluck and aim for the higher cause, and never forget whom you love most. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 12th, 2004|04:07 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Out of It | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | My Pleasure.m3u | ] |
I will make this one short but i've had an odd week so far. It has all been mainly working n waiting to pay off bills with my check, but now i am just coasting to each pay. I have to pay back my parents sometime, but it seems my job won't allow it at the moment, as each appear to be too small to pay even a little. That is just mainly the check, first of the month, that I can't pay em' anything. The reason being is that is what I have to give my parents money for the car, and have enough in the bank for my internet connection. That is quite a bit for the time being.
On the second check of each month I have enough to pay at least a little back to them so I can manage the small debt away. The only problem is I am so use to getting something for myself, even if it is like one game, or one Anime DVD. Can't seem to do that right now, but hopefully I will be able to on my birthday check. I really want at least a DVD so I can watch something newly added to my current collection.
On further note I have been trying to relax, as much I can. Doesn't seem to be working so far, but hopefully in the next few I will be able to, as those are my days off for the time being. The sad thing is, even though I need these days off, it will not help my check any. Looks to me i am going to be underpaid again, but no matter I'll figure something out, as I always do when the time comes.
At the moment while I regain my senses from work, I don't hesitate to play a game or two if not entertain myself in some way so that I may rest at ease for the next day I will have enough energy to discern what lays ahead of me. I may seem lazy, but work is stressing me out too much, so I think I deserve to relax every so often with no strain on me. Well back to the drawing board, so that I may figure what else has to be done... until then.
"I am me, but who is that shadow beneath you?" |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 23rd, 2004|04:37 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Expressive | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "My Pleasure" Mix of Game/Anime Music | ] |
"Of Recent and a bit of The Past"
I'm sorry to all those that I haven't really gotten to my live journal all that actively, but a whole lot has been going on. Almost too much to handle myself, but I managed.
( Past Enough )
"As words flow like the wind, sometimes the wind is still for a moment & hurricane the next." |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 14th, 2004|10:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  numb | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "My Pleasure.m3u" The soft sounds | ] |
The Aging Empire
You ever wonder when death takes you that you will end up somewhere? That I believe is up to the individual. They are the leaders of their own dynasty. I am only an individual waiting for it to happen.
( Read more... )
I am here but not so in the same. I can see, but do I really. I am only me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 25th, 2004|11:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Sound of my 7th mix of "The Void" | ] |
When you delve deeper within the mind all that is left are the basics which make the structure. Some of the things below might be complaints to some, but to me it is just general talk. I have a tendency to look upon things to remind myself some things that need to be done within my mind.
( This Morning - Last Night )
'It is all in the mind when the pain induces rest upon self'
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 9th, 2004|06:36 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Fragile Heart by Jewel | ] |
In The Dawn of The Next Day
I did receive my package with an unexpected surprise inside, I ended up getting not only what I ordered, but an extra three disc's which make the Neon Genesis Evangeleon Collection. Later after the concert I also found out that the disc's where not well in condition, even if brand new. Some episodes would be slowed down & garbled, making it hard to determine what is going on. The end of the first disc is like that and some where in the middle of the second (the second will not work with my computer), and the third had very few problems.
More or less I enjoyed what I saw of the series, and wouldn't mind buying it. The El Hazard Triple Collection was just fine thank goodness. I didn't really mind the bonus collection being all buggy since I didn't really order that, but I wouldn't be very satisfied if what I ordered was buggy. So all is well with what I got. I enjoyed the past two weeks or less watching all three series of El Hazard, and haven't done much with my rpg maker until a few days ago.
The concert Was very high pitched like a wailing banshee at first, well the first band. My friend agrees it wasn't a great starter, but once Raspy came on stage it was all right. Even though I didn't stay inside for the extra songs she played, I at least heard them from the outside in the fresh air which I needed badly. I was getting way too tired from it all, yet still pumped full of excitement to hear them again live.
Don't take what I wrote last night the wrong way as I just wrote what was on my mind. It is a bit more about the way I see things, but not by much.
( Last Night )
'Death is only the soil to bloom another spring' |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 29th, 2004|09:26 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Anticipative, Calm | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Background=Christian Music | ] |
Hopefully A Better Day
In a shining glimpse of light, hana will wade the sky parting day n nigh' when she must. I could only feel safel's gentle touch in hana's beautiful atmosphere she pillows up high. A lovely nigh'. A lovely day. Hoping to enjoy the events to come.
( In The Moonlight Special )
'Hana blooms in the nigh', yet safel embraces her light with every still pass' |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 30th, 2004|03:25 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | wondering | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Ramna the movie 1 | ] |
Myself Part II
I wrote this in deep thought of my past. This particular moment kept nagging at me, so it is here defined:
( Inside )
'A wisp of air maybe the wind saying something to thee'</font> |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 29th, 2004|02:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Fragile Heart" by Jewel | ] |
Fragile as the Sea</header1>
Today I awoke to a lovely song, but a sad one which is the song below. It is in a way me, but also in a way it does remind me of my second love. A fleeting glimmer of life within me, motivating me to move forward. The shimmering daze of confusion when I arrived, and the special dinner near the new year. I basically still remember those moments, and will always remember the good & bad times we had, even though now I only consider her to be a friend that knows at least who I am inside.
( Inside )
"If you want my heart
you have to promise not to tear it apart
cuz'my heart
Has been hurt a lot
and did always seems,
love is not sweat
like in dreams
something falls through
I don't want that to happen to me & you
So be: Careful,
Warning, fragile heart
So be: Careful,
Warning, fragile heart
Last Saturday
We ate dinner at you parents place
Last Saturday You Said:
How you Feel will not go away
All the fishes in the sea
they could not be happier than me
So be: Careful,
Warning, fragile heart
So be: Careful,
Warning, fragile heart
Only Fools believe that
nothing changes,
nothing leaves but
i need to believe that we at least we´ll have some dignity
Cuz everything changes,
nothing stays the same
but thats no excuse to be casual
or to place the blame
you have to be careful with me
So be(So Be):
Careful, Warning, fragile heart
So be(So Be):
Careful(Careful), Warning, fragile heart
So be(Wont you Be): Careful(Careful),
Warning(Warning),Fragile,fragile heart, (Fragile)
So be(Wont you Be):
Careful,Warning, fragile heart"
-Fragile Heart by Jewel
'Ever hear what the wind says? If not then I guess you don't stand still long enough to listen, if not patient enough to understand' |
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| Humour Me |
[Apr. 28th, 2004|07:42 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Filled to the brim of Coffee | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "The Bounce" by Coffeerific Pacing | ] |
I would hope to explain the subject, but I guess it is only a fraction of what I have to say:
( The Day as Is )
'A stream of air blows within its' current, but when another stream hits the one, it fluctuates into a new stream, and possibly changes direction' |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 24th, 2004|04:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Neutrally Thinking Deeply | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Music? If there was such a thing to listen to... | ] |
How can someone that has known you for "so long" be so inconsiderate at times. It is like this, or how I perceive it:
( The Way In )
'Safel is cool & relaxing on this hilltop that I sit, and wait on, but no one ever seems to notice just how beautiful the wilderness can be in the middle of a local park, despite how it was made.'
'To be watched, if not surveillance by someone is an invasion to privacy, or is it to disturb those in the area that have a liable cause to do something illegal.'
'I am a watcher, but I don't like being watched through the lens of electrical equipment, so I leave to watch another place that isn't noticeably watched.' |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 23rd, 2004|10:21 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Neutral in good spirits | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The humming of the computer | ] |
I had a rather enjoyable friday despite the fact it is friday, but there was a few bad things about it, including the fact I ended up in a hurry to cash in my cans when I awoke. I was hoping my parents would wake me up an hour or two earlier, but that didn't happen obviously. So I ended up in a subtle rush for an hour, and when that was done I went out to eat at Tio peppy's (sp?), a mexican restaurant.
The meal was fine, but like usual I didn't finish all of it. That seems to be a thing for me now a days since I can hardly eat anything without tasting how bland it is. Everything is tasting so bland to me, even Ice Cream. *sigh*
Oh well at least I was able to get a few things done, and I have been messing with a little help file maker program, help scribble, which I plan on buying sooner or later, but along with that a neat little text editor, Editpad Pro, another thing I will buy the full version of when I have the money to spend. From the looks of it, I am not sure I am going to have internet access for a lil' while, but I am hoping to get it soon since it is important to keep things up to date, or at least much as I can.
There was suppose to be a 4th day to my cleaning, but on that particular day I did absolutely nothing to my room. So it basically ended on the 3rd day. I needed to hang out with one of my friends to not waste my long deserved day off span. Cleaning is not the waste, but when you are wasting away with each movement to clean, it makes it near to impossible to do more. Hanging out with my friends would definitely be a priority, since that helps me relax a moment so that I can enjoy a day off while it lasts.
To not see anybody is like living in a box with no where to go, and no one to see. It can drive a person Insane after a lil' while. I was able to hang out with my other group of good friends today, which I haven't in sooooo long, it was almost getting to me. To have friends is a good way to live out life to the fullest, to have naught is to drown in your own misery.
I think I will get back to the rest of today, and mess around with making my help file that is intended for RM2k. Not just how to use the program, it is mainly to do things with the program. Basically a collection of tutorials when I need that option or idea when I mess around with the RPG maker program. Taw Taw for now! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 20th, 2004|05:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Neutral with a Smile | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Random Music on my 7th mix of The Void.pls | ] |
( On The Other Side Of The Coin )
The heading of the little poem is just a mere joke anyway, and from a particular song, but I don’t remember which. It doesn’t really matter much anyway as this is what I wrote last night, and I was sober despite what it may appear.
'A rush of excitement may flourish upon happiness, but it can thrive on any emotion, as long that it is home to its' owner' |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 20th, 2004|01:42 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Philosophical & Unnerved | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Holywood the albumn Marilyn Manson | ] |
I truly mean no harm to anyone within this that I write, so if you are offended by something, then don't be. I am not directing my anger, or aggression on anyone, it is just a simple explanation philosophical. Please don't get up in a fuss over it, it means not much except for what I say. I don't poke fun at anyone, because that would be rude, even at other people's beliefs, so don't take offense.
( Further Down The Spiral )
'It is the earth speaking through the hills, can you hear what they say?' |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 8th, 2004|08:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Tired & Somewhat Drained | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Sunny Daze by The Dust Bunnies | ] |
DAY 3
Today I didn't do much, because I ended up waking up so late. What I did get done is getting those boxes sorted out & back in my room for the exception of some minor card boxes. Even though I had planned on changing my bed back to your average one, I couldn't get around to it due to the fact I am extremely tired. I was able to get a quick look at what has been done & what could be done in the next day.
I think I can get my bed changed tomorrow, and possibly move Rika's food & water dish to a better place. As well I might have to move a few other things out of the way to a more convenient place, so that changing the bed would be easier, since the bed is essentially under the long table. I have done it before a couple times, even if my room was a bit cramped at the time.
Now I think the room looks at least better than it did before, as the space seems to expand, and the ideas spread through adjustment. More or less I figured out yesterday that 4 days is definately not enough time to remodel my room. There is just too much stuff I have to move around, and too many things in mind I wanted to do. In time I suppose I will eventually get those others things done, but for now what I have done will make it a whole lot easier to do so.
Off to my room I go, to enjoy the night while it lasts, since I am too tired to think of what I should do next, if not what should be done before such N such. There is so much to do, yet I have to sooth the mind for now, since the long days have drained me like my pitiful excuse for a job. I hope that someday I will have enough time to be able to conceive the idea of looking for another, but for now I think I can handle it for the time being.
'The hilltop moves along the grass, as the blossoms bloom in the midnight rain' |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2004|09:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | relieved & anxious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Rubble Clears by The Dust Bunnies | ] |
DAY 2
Even though I am at my friend's house writing this, I do plan getting back to my remodeling & cleaning. I figured I needed a break from all the cleaning I have done yesterday & today. And what better way to take a break then hanging out with my friend(s). I only started this because he was occupied on the phone for a while talking to a friend of his.
( The Dust Bunnies Have Arrived )
'As the wind blows the dust away, is there anything new underneath all the rubble' |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 6th, 2004|11:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Dusty Afternoon by The Dustbunnies | ] |
DAY 1
Today is the start of my cleaning/remodeling of my room. So to start I have to say that I requested 4 days off to do so, and today did not start off too well for the fact that I woke a little late. That is due to the fact I had a long work shift yesterday, and it went to 5 in the morning.
What I had in mind to do today is to box all of Lego's in a few boxes. Then put them in the room next door. Also I had in mind to put as much as I can in boxes in there as well. For now I have to say this is a big task at hand, now that my Lego's are boxed, and a few of the boxes did make it into that room.
I plan on keeping that stuff in that room till I am ready to put it back in mine. So far so good. It is going as planned, or so I hope. It is a good start I think, but I am not sure what I have planned for tomorrow. Right now I am still moving boxes into the other room, and I think that is all I am going to do today so far. We'll see what happens tomorrow when it comes. For now it is safe to say my room has more places to move around to, but I am not sure I'll be able to make it to the closet today.
'When the wind blows in a cyclone, does it matter if the dust leaves in the sunset' |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 28th, 2004|03:13 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Spiritual | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Great Hall | ] |
Am I cursed or something? I mean look at all the events that have been shuffled before me. What does it all mean? Am I just non-existent, or in a way easy to read? blah. I am not. Just when you think I am, that is when I would surprise you. I am only a fool at the game, or life, or what ever it is that people do to live.
( The fool )
Well my friend I had a few difficulties getting back, but no matter at least we will talk tomorrow hopefully. My keyboard was messin' up, but I fixed it. *glare*
Don't worry I am alright, or as alright as I can be... *G*
'Some are blessed with abilities, some are naturals, but what is it when one has learned over many centuries of lives? Still progressing'? |
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